Grace brought me home

This is a picture of a bride in Sydney Opera House.

I will begin sharing my walk with God. When I was 15, I decided to accept Jesus. Throughout the years, I have been running all over the places to search for full satisfaction to my heart’s desire: the desire to be loved and accepted. I search satisfaction in finding love, in pursuing achievements, in eating; but all of them never brought me ultimate satisfaction, or in other words contentment. I would like to share a verse from Hosea 2:19, where God says: “And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD.”

God desires an intimate relationship with us, that like a marriage relationship. It is hard to make that commitment, but God woes me, and brings me to know Him more through His word. In this process of learning, I came to the point of seeking Him and finding Him. He was there all along, never leaving me behind. I struggled to give and surrender two areas of my life- health and desire for marriage in the past. I know He died for me, but I was struggling in these two areas. How is my difficult situation evident of His love for me?

It was a long walk, a 12 year walk, where I was in the desert before coming to the promised land, but He never left me once. I was struggling with my worries, anger and anxieties all these years, He never left me, He is walking with me, guiding me each step of the journey. I am made aware of my anger which made me suffer, Jesus helped me to be aware of the anger and to surrender it to Him, to face it with calmness and self-control. I feel satisfied in Jesus. He is more than enough for me. I am choosing to be content in my singleness right now. I know that what He plans for me whether to be single or married, it is for my good, and He knows me best. Sometimes He allows pain and difficulties to come through my life, but that is to help me grow more mature and to realise the depths of His love for me.

It seems hard to say God is good when all is hard, it is hard to say that He loves you when you go through something painful, but remember He loves you so much and there are some things we do not understand- He is sovereign over it all and He is good. So friends, do not be discouraged, when the walk is hard, turn to Jesus. He is the One that can and will truly satisfy your longings. He invites you to be His partner. I trust Jesus, through my difficult emotions, through my desires, that He will be my guide, my Love who never leaves me, and will continue moulding my heart to be like Him. Whatever difficulties you are facing right now, look for Jesus. I pray that anyone reading this may know and experience His love.

Fearfully and wonderfully made

I used Procreate app to draw this flower. It comes from drawing repeating shapes and putting layer of colours.

Do you have times when you question your worth? What is the meaning of your life and purpose? I want to share a verse from Psalms. It is in Psalm 139:13-14 which reads (ESV version) : “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

Let us read that verse again. I am created by God. He knows me and He loves me. He made no mistake when He created me. God has a purpose for my life and yours too. He intricately wove the pieces that makes you you. You have worth in God’s eyes.

When thoughts arise that try to question your worth, turn to Him, turn to Jesus, who loves you and knows you from the inside out. He can be trusted with all your sorrows and pains because He has the best plan worked out for those that love Him that are called according to His purpose. He knows us best and that is why we can trust Him with all our heart. He knows our pain because He has been human himself but did not sin. That is why you can rest assured when you trust Him because He loves you dearly, my friend. So do not give up and put your hopes in Him!

Patience and Perseverance

Many of us have goals in life. It takes time for people to reach their goal. I am just starting out, in my career. I guess it does take time, where patience and perseverance are needed. However, when striving for a goal, even though you must work hard, there is also a time for rest. Even in the patience and perseverance, there is a time for resting. Where can I rest O my soul? When I am tired, who do I turn to? Many of you have different ways of managing stress. It could be through eating, spending time with family and friends, or maybe through hobbies… but truly who gives joy and peace to our soul?

I was preoccupied with busyness that I forgot how to pause and rest. Rest does not only mean physical rest, but also for the mind to rest, and for the soul to rest- it all comes in one unity. Who can I turn to, who will give me rest? And now I remember who to turn to, to Him who gives rest and peace to my soul. Despite the busyness, when I spend time in His word, the truth sets me free. That it is said that if you love Him, you would obey Him. But why do we need to obey Him? We obey Him because we love Him…- with this statement comes again our tiring pursuit of obeying Him- His laws are there to set us free not to make us law doers, but we want to obey Him because He loves us. And the truth is…His laws are there to help us in this life. He made those laws with His intention. His intention is based on His love for us. So the laws would not be burdensome as long as we do it with Him. And this, my friends, takes patience and perseverance.

Same with all things in life, whatever things we try to reach, may it be weight goals, career goals, relationship goals, it must take patience and perseverance, discipline and commitment. You are not alone in this journey my friends. When the road gets hard, turn to Him, He is always there, and He will surely satisfy your soul.

Do not give up, He is rooting for you and He will be with you each step of the journey!

Worldly accolades

I used Reeves gouache paint and watercolour from Kuretake to draw this peacock

I want to share all with you the verse from 1 John 2:15-17 and Colossians 3:2. 1 John states “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in this world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride in one’s possessions—is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world with its lust is passing away, but the one who does the will of God remain forever.” This is further emphasised in Colossians 3:2 where it is stated “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

Many times I am enticed by worldly desires. Nice things to buy, delicious food, all the world can offer. Sometimes I also desire to be approved by people, and what I am struggling with is doing marvellous things so that people would approve and accept me. To be honest, I have a high ego, and a lot of pride, and I am proud of my achievements. But now I say, that I am no longer proud of what I have achieved, because I know that it is God who did all these things. He gave me love and support. He gave me parents who would sacrifice a lot of things for me. He gave me brothers who really cared for me. Mentors, physicians, professors, friends; He provided them all for me. I would not have reached this point without support from all these people I have just mentioned. God is humbling me to the point where I say going to a good university is by God’s grace, and not my own doing. Being able to finish with struggles of course, is by God’s mercy. I cannot be proud of my intelligence, because it does not bring me anywhere. My dependence on God, pleases Him and brings me to know Him more, that He delights in giving me gifts. Now I know, that God loves me so, and He will never leave me and also this verse from Psalm 91:14-16: ” Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name. When he calls out to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble. I will rescue him and give him honour. I will satisfy him with a long life and show him my salvation.” This particular verse helped me in times of extreme stress, and helped me manage my emotions.


That is why I learn to have 7 days of grateful. Not setting my mind on worldly things, but setting my mind on Him, who truly satisfies. He never disappoints. He has the best plan for your life. Whatever hurdles, disappointments, hopes and dreams we have. He always listens and replies, but He sometimes replies in a different way than we ever think. As Isaiah 55:8-9 states, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

I was a prideful young woman, but Jesus taught me daily to depend on Him, which leads me to humbling myself upon His feet daily. My current health is because I depend on Him. He renews my mind, and He gives me peace and joy, and also contentment in all circumstances. I hope those who are reading this may understand and know God’s love and not set your minds on worldly things. Wealth, riches, accolades may pass away, but God’s word remain true, and it will change you.

What does it mean to love?

I used goauche paint and Affinity Photo Editor to edit this painting.

What does it mean to love someone? Yesterday..there was a sermon about hurting the Holy Spirit’s heart. These three bees represent the three times I hurt His heart. I remember it again.. a few years back, last year and now.. And I want to share that with all of you..

  1. The first time was the pain in my heart… like a broken-hearted feeling. The pain of unrequited love. I understood that feeling.. but that pain was not mine.. It was the Holy Spirit. At that time, I didn’t love Him at all, and that hurt Him. I remembered the time when I liked someone but that person did not like me back, and it hurt.. I cried..but this pain was more heart wrenching. It brought me back to the years when I got broken hearted.. that was the same feeling.. that life meant nothing without that person. I can relate to how God is feeling too.. that life is more beautiful when He can relate with us… His creations..
  1. The second time was when I cried… but it was not my tears. I was honest to God.. that my desires for a husband was bigger than my desires for Him.. and it pained His heart..It was like a knife cutting in my heart… I felt that pain..but it was not mine…it was His. My question is this to you all.. what if the person you love most love someone else instead of you? Would you get hurt? How would you feel? You love that person deeply but his love is not for you.. How painful it must be.
  1. The third time is when I hurt someone else. It pains Him because He loves that person too..When we bad mouth somebody, when we hurt people with our words, when we curse someone, when we hate…it pains Him.. because He knows that those sins rots us and makes us sick. He does not want to see us suffer. He wants us to forgive, to speak in gentleness and wisdom, He wants us to bless people because those things gives us peace and joy.

Let me end this sharing with a verse from Luke 5:31-32:31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

We need Him.. We are imperfect beings.. who have been hurt, broken, and trampled through the waves of this world. He came to give us that love, the love which heals. He found me at that place where I am most broken. I am found and cherished by the One who loves me most, and through this, I want to not hurt His feelings and want to learn to love Him more because He is worthy. He is patient, waiting for us to love Him back, but how long more do we want to keep hurting His heart that loves us deeply?

Bringing my life plans

I drew this with pencil and outlined it with Visconti rollerball and coloured it with gouache paint and coloured it with Faber Cast ell Polychromous Pencil Colour.

As in my previous post, at the end of my education in Universitas Pelita Harapan, a lot has happened. I tend to rush things, wanting to run in this race of life, instead of taking it step by step and to walk by Him. But He has been good, always good. I was upset when I did not get accepted into Ivy League schools. I was disappointed and very upset. However, he provided a way and now I will be finishing my LLM at University of Sydney. And also, I have been applying for jobs. I do not know what He wants for my life, but I know it is for my good and for His glory as stated in Romans 8:28.

I prayed in 2015 that I hoped to be able to apply my legal skills and hone my writing and art skills too. He has been good, and always good. The education I am doing and the blog I have been starting to write has indeed fulfilled my desires unto His plan for my life. I do not know what else He has planned for Him, but it is fulfilling indeed to trust Him in every aspect of my life. In John 15:4, God asks us to remain in Him, so that He may remain in us and that we may bear fruits. I pray that I may bear fruits that may be a pleasing aroma to God and also that I may be a blessing to others.

I hope one day I can help people using my legal, art and writing skills. I do not know what the future holds, but God holds me. In Song of Solomon, the writer says, “I am my Beloved, and His love is for me.” May I be reminded of this truth and be grounded in His love. I pray also to whoever is reading this that you may trust God and surrender all your life to Him because He knows what you need and want, and that He always wants the best for you and knows what is good for you. After a long journey of distrust, I finally realised that God never meant harm for me. He always has loved me, and will always love me, and will never leave me, let alone give snakes to His children, how more O’ friends He will give to us as our earthly father would give us bread…O’ How deep is your love O’ Lord. Help us to trust You and love You more day by day. In Jesus name, Amen.

True Love

This is an interpretation of David Bowman’s painting of Jesus Christ Hugging Child

Jesus loves all His children, but who will walk with Him? The Holy Spirit pushes me, speaks for me, for the Holy Spirit desires Jesus. I always try to find something that could fill me, the yearning to be loved. As I searched everywhere, I found no fulfilment. It is only in His embrace, that I am filled with love and grace. I had no desire whatsoever at first. But He kept loving me, tenderly, passionately, gently. When I searched for love, I found nothing in this world. Only in Jesus, I can say… His embrace, His acceptance. His love is the fulfilment of my soul and desire. Let this be our prayer in this Easter.

Dear Jesus,
I want to put you first in my life. Let nothing hold first place in my heart except you Jesus. Let me be your vessel so that your love can pass through me and into me. Let me walk with you and be closer to you each day and let me love you more and more and passionately. Father, I am your child, and I want to be entrusted by You to do Your will. Use me for your glory and always embrace me with love and grace each day. Give me joy and peace and never let me go. I want to be like You, Father. I want to walk with You. And I want to be transformed. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Let this Easter be a reminder of the yearning of a Father who loves His child and waits for His child to be in His embrace, and His wish for the child to love Him, revere Him and grow with Him. Someday, we will be united with the bridegroom. Let us prepare ourselves for that day.

Loving Him

I drew this with Carand’ache mechanical pencil and painted it with Kuretake watercolours layering it one by one

Many people seem to confuse what this verse from Deuteronomy 6:5 says ,”Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” Is it a linear position where we put Him first and disregard the other important things in our life such as family, relationships, work school. To answer that, it is linear but linear in the sense that it branches out. Putting God first in your heart does not mean disregarding other parts of your life such as family relationships, school, work. Loving Him means involving Him in every parts of your life, this is where the linear position is is linear like a tree but branches out with the roots, involving every part of your life to the root of it and giving it all to God. This means being honest with Him what are your desires, pain, hurt, disappointments.

It is not easy to put God first in which we surrender every detail and parts of our lives to Him. We think it is much easier to handle it ourselves. Like decision of which school to go to, what job should I apply to, whom should I marry, and other things. But we must remember He has a good plan for those who love Him such in Romans 8:28, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.” It is hard to surrender and trust Him with all our plans, but isn’t it much harder to handle it alone?