Patience and Perseverance

Many of us have goals in life. It takes time for people to reach their goal. I am just starting out, in my career. I guess it does take time, where patience and perseverance are needed. However, when striving for a goal, even though you must work hard, there is also a time for rest. Even in the patience and perseverance, there is a time for resting. Where can I rest O my soul? When I am tired, who do I turn to? Many of you have different ways of managing stress. It could be through eating, spending time with family and friends, or maybe through hobbies… but truly who gives joy and peace to our soul?

I was preoccupied with busyness that I forgot how to pause and rest. Rest does not only mean physical rest, but also for the mind to rest, and for the soul to rest- it all comes in one unity. Who can I turn to, who will give me rest? And now I remember who to turn to, to Him who gives rest and peace to my soul. Despite the busyness, when I spend time in His word, the truth sets me free. That it is said that if you love Him, you would obey Him. But why do we need to obey Him? We obey Him because we love Him…- with this statement comes again our tiring pursuit of obeying Him- His laws are there to set us free not to make us law doers, but we want to obey Him because He loves us. And the truth is…His laws are there to help us in this life. He made those laws with His intention. His intention is based on His love for us. So the laws would not be burdensome as long as we do it with Him. And this, my friends, takes patience and perseverance.

Same with all things in life, whatever things we try to reach, may it be weight goals, career goals, relationship goals, it must take patience and perseverance, discipline and commitment. You are not alone in this journey my friends. When the road gets hard, turn to Him, He is always there, and He will surely satisfy your soul.

Do not give up, He is rooting for you and He will be with you each step of the journey!

Worldly accolades

I used Reeves gouache paint and watercolour from Kuretake to draw this peacock

I want to share all with you the verse from 1 John 2:15-17 and Colossians 3:2. 1 John states “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in this world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride in one’s possessions—is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world with its lust is passing away, but the one who does the will of God remain forever.” This is further emphasised in Colossians 3:2 where it is stated “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

Many times I am enticed by worldly desires. Nice things to buy, delicious food, all the world can offer. Sometimes I also desire to be approved by people, and what I am struggling with is doing marvellous things so that people would approve and accept me. To be honest, I have a high ego, and a lot of pride, and I am proud of my achievements. But now I say, that I am no longer proud of what I have achieved, because I know that it is God who did all these things. He gave me love and support. He gave me parents who would sacrifice a lot of things for me. He gave me brothers who really cared for me. Mentors, physicians, professors, friends; He provided them all for me. I would not have reached this point without support from all these people I have just mentioned. God is humbling me to the point where I say going to a good university is by God’s grace, and not my own doing. Being able to finish with struggles of course, is by God’s mercy. I cannot be proud of my intelligence, because it does not bring me anywhere. My dependence on God, pleases Him and brings me to know Him more, that He delights in giving me gifts. Now I know, that God loves me so, and He will never leave me and also this verse from Psalm 91:14-16: ” Because he has his heart set on me, I will deliver him; I will protect him because he knows my name. When he calls out to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble. I will rescue him and give him honour. I will satisfy him with a long life and show him my salvation.” This particular verse helped me in times of extreme stress, and helped me manage my emotions.

7daysofgrateful

That is why I learn to have 7 days of grateful. Not setting my mind on worldly things, but setting my mind on Him, who truly satisfies. He never disappoints. He has the best plan for your life. Whatever hurdles, disappointments, hopes and dreams we have. He always listens and replies, but He sometimes replies in a different way than we ever think. As Isaiah 55:8-9 states, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

I was a prideful young woman, but Jesus taught me daily to depend on Him, which leads me to humbling myself upon His feet daily. My current health is because I depend on Him. He renews my mind, and He gives me peace and joy, and also contentment in all circumstances. I hope those who are reading this may understand and know God’s love and not set your minds on worldly things. Wealth, riches, accolades may pass away, but God’s word remain true, and it will change you.

What does it mean to love?

I used goauche paint and Affinity Photo Editor to edit this painting.

What does it mean to love someone? Yesterday..there was a sermon about hurting the Holy Spirit’s heart. These three bees represent the three times I hurt His heart. I remember it again.. a few years back, last year and now.. And I want to share that with all of you..

  1. The first time was the pain in my heart… like a broken-hearted feeling. The pain of unrequited love. I understood that feeling.. but that pain was not mine.. It was the Holy Spirit. At that time, I didn’t love Him at all, and that hurt Him. I remembered the time when I liked someone but that person did not like me back, and it hurt.. I cried..but this pain was more heart wrenching. It brought me back to the years when I got broken hearted.. that was the same feeling.. that life meant nothing without that person. I can relate to how God is feeling too.. that life is more beautiful when He can relate with us… His creations..
  1. The second time was when I cried… but it was not my tears. I was honest to God.. that my desires for a husband was bigger than my desires for Him.. and it pained His heart..It was like a knife cutting in my heart… I felt that pain..but it was not mine…it was His. My question is this to you all.. what if the person you love most love someone else instead of you? Would you get hurt? How would you feel? You love that person deeply but his love is not for you.. How painful it must be.
  1. The third time is when I hurt someone else. It pains Him because He loves that person too..When we bad mouth somebody, when we hurt people with our words, when we curse someone, when we hate…it pains Him.. because He knows that those sins rots us and makes us sick. He does not want to see us suffer. He wants us to forgive, to speak in gentleness and wisdom, He wants us to bless people because those things gives us peace and joy.

Let me end this sharing with a verse from Luke 5:31-32:31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

We need Him.. We are imperfect beings.. who have been hurt, broken, and trampled through the waves of this world. He came to give us that love, the love which heals. He found me at that place where I am most broken. I am found and cherished by the One who loves me most, and through this, I want to not hurt His feelings and want to learn to love Him more because He is worthy. He is patient, waiting for us to love Him back, but how long more do we want to keep hurting His heart that loves us deeply?

Bringing my life plans

I drew this with pencil and outlined it with Visconti rollerball and coloured it with gouache paint and coloured it with Faber Cast ell Polychromous Pencil Colour.

As in my previous post, at the end of my education in Universitas Pelita Harapan, a lot has happened. I tend to rush things, wanting to run in this race of life, instead of taking it step by step and to walk by Him. But He has been good, always good. I was upset when I did not get accepted into Ivy League schools. I was disappointed and very upset. However, he provided a way and now I will be finishing my LLM at University of Sydney. And also, I have been applying for jobs. I do not know what He wants for my life, but I know it is for my good and for His glory as stated in Romans 8:28.

I prayed in 2015 that I hoped to be able to apply my legal skills and hone my writing and art skills too. He has been good, and always good. The education I am doing and the blog I have been starting to write has indeed fulfilled my desires unto His plan for my life. I do not know what else He has planned for Him, but it is fulfilling indeed to trust Him in every aspect of my life. In John 15:4, God asks us to remain in Him, so that He may remain in us and that we may bear fruits. I pray that I may bear fruits that may be a pleasing aroma to God and also that I may be a blessing to others.

I hope one day I can help people using my legal, art and writing skills. I do not know what the future holds, but God holds me. In Song of Solomon, the writer says, “I am my Beloved, and His love is for me.” May I be reminded of this truth and be grounded in His love. I pray also to whoever is reading this that you may trust God and surrender all your life to Him because He knows what you need and want, and that He always wants the best for you and knows what is good for you. After a long journey of distrust, I finally realised that God never meant harm for me. He always has loved me, and will always love me, and will never leave me, let alone give snakes to His children, how more O’ friends He will give to us as our earthly father would give us bread…O’ How deep is your love O’ Lord. Help us to trust You and love You more day by day. In Jesus name, Amen.

True Love

This is an interpretation of David Bowman’s painting of Jesus Christ Hugging Child

Jesus loves all His children, but who will walk with Him? The Holy Spirit pushes me, speaks for me, for the Holy Spirit desires Jesus. I always try to find something that could fill me, the yearning to be loved. As I searched everywhere, I found no fulfilment. It is only in His embrace, that I am filled with love and grace. I had no desire whatsoever at first. But He kept loving me, tenderly, passionately, gently. When I searched for love, I found nothing in this world. Only in Jesus, I can say… His embrace, His acceptance. His love is the fulfilment of my soul and desire. Let this be our prayer in this Easter.

Dear Jesus,
I want to put you first in my life. Let nothing hold first place in my heart except you Jesus. Let me be your vessel so that your love can pass through me and into me. Let me walk with you and be closer to you each day and let me love you more and more and passionately. Father, I am your child, and I want to be entrusted by You to do Your will. Use me for your glory and always embrace me with love and grace each day. Give me joy and peace and never let me go. I want to be like You, Father. I want to walk with You. And I want to be transformed. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Let this Easter be a reminder of the yearning of a Father who loves His child and waits for His child to be in His embrace, and His wish for the child to love Him, revere Him and grow with Him. Someday, we will be united with the bridegroom. Let us prepare ourselves for that day.


Loving Him

I drew this with Carand’ache mechanical pencil and painted it with Kuretake watercolours layering it one by one

Many people seem to confuse what this verse from Deuteronomy 6:5 says ,”Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” Is it a linear position where we put Him first and disregard the other important things in our life such as family, relationships, work school. To answer that, it is linear but linear in the sense that it branches out. Putting God first in your heart does not mean disregarding other parts of your life such as family relationships, school, work. Loving Him means involving Him in every parts of your life, this is where the linear position is is linear like a tree but branches out with the roots, involving every part of your life to the root of it and giving it all to God. This means being honest with Him what are your desires, pain, hurt, disappointments.

It is not easy to put God first in which we surrender every detail and parts of our lives to Him. We think it is much easier to handle it ourselves. Like decision of which school to go to, what job should I apply to, whom should I marry, and other things. But we must remember He has a good plan for those who love Him such in Romans 8:28, “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to His purpose.” It is hard to surrender and trust Him with all our plans, but isn’t it much harder to handle it alone?

Comparison is the thief of joy

As the saying goes… the grass is always greener on the other side. I used to like to compare to other people. Be it compare myself with their intelligence, material wealth, physical beauty. Those action of comparison may lead to jealousy and envy. What I learned is that comparison does not make you any happier… it just makes you more bitter. It may push you to achieve things but what is the pursue of all things with no end? I am still learning not to compare… what I did was realise how blessed I am and start being grateful for what I have. It is hard to be grateful when you have been through something difficult…but each breath counts. Each individual has unique talents and portions. If these individuals focus on their wellbeing, they can achieve things; whilst if you keep comparing with other people, how are you going to focus on your path and achieve what you were planned to do? Comparison is the thief of joy. Joy can come in being satisfied in your current situation, be it in hard circumstances or easy circumstances, knowing that God has everything planned for good for those He loves and that He will finish the good work in us.

Let us have endurance in finishing the race

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Love

Amidst all the pain and suffering, this verse reminds me to focus on God’s love. What He did for me at the cross. All my guilt and shame, sins, He took it upon Himself, that I may be clothed in Christ. It was not easy to accept God loving me a first because I asked myself, ‘How could God love a broken person such as myself?’ But I have no right to question that and in His mercy and grace, He showed me He truly loved me and accept me as I am. As God regards me as an apple of His eyes, He leads me beside quite waters. I used to question God’s love because He did not give me what I want but as the Bible says His ways are higher than ours and God knows best what is good for me. To focus on God’s love is to give thanks to Him and to trust Him that He who started the good work on us will finish it until completion.

Endurance

In regards to endurance. Christ endured trials and suffering because of us. We can be strong in Him because He gives us strength in times of need. He who endured temptation will help guide our hearts to turn away from evil and put the enemy under our heel. And we ought to run with endurance the race that lies before us. And let us be confident in the end and boldly declare ‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.’

This is the original version in my journal using the Paper App in my iPhone and Unsplash using the words roses and bird. The word grace was free flow writing.